Thank you very much for joining me tonight. Here is Nick Ames’ lovely report.

A few lines from Emile Smith Rowe: “We enjoyed it so much. Really happy with the win today.”

“We are coming well together as a group, we have had some meetings off the pitch. The whole group is so much stronger.”

“I just want to show everyone I am good enough to be in this team.”

“I’ve been abroad and in the Championship and it has helped me develop so much on and off the pitch.”

“Playing with Lacazette up top has helped me so much.”

That is a goal.

It helps when the opposition do not shoot.

My grandad was from Byker, so I am angry on his behalf.

I get why people want Bruce gone as that team is really woeful but anyone who replaces him won’t be able to sign many players, so will be stuck with this utterly mediocre squad and there is not much that be done with them.

Bloody good side ...

One day I will get over how bad Newcastle are. An embarrassment to both PJ and Duncan.

Arsenal upped their performance by 10% after the break, which is all that was needed to beat an utterly mediocre Newcastle. The visitors set their own downfall with each of the goals, which were relatively avoidable. They could be heading for a long second half of the season.

Pierre Emerick Aubameyang took his chances well, as did Bukayo Saka but it really was not very hard to beat Newcastle.

90 mins: Three minutes added on.

Alex Whitney asks: “No cards so far this match, correct? How often do Premiership matches not have any formal cautions?”

I was just thinking about this. It certainly does not happen too often, I reckon. It is a sign of how limp this match has been.

88 mins: Lascelles smashes into Martinelli with an elbow but the referee sees little wrong.

Newcastle’s Elliot Anderson is on for his Premier League debut, which is nice.

86 mins: Lacazette is taken down by Lascelles on the edge of the box. Willian lines up the free-kick 20 yards from goal ... and whacks it straight into the wall.

84 mins: Admir Pajic emails to say: “There has been a talk about the No.9 curse at Arsenal (Suker, Jeffers, Reyes, Baptista, Eduardo, Podolski, Lacazette) but maybe it’s time to talk about the No.10 curse.

“Today, Mesut Özil signed for Fenerbahce and Jack Wilshere signed for Bournemouth. It shouldn’t have been that way.”

What could have been. Franny Jeffers would have been brilliant in the Turkish Super Lig, too.

81 mins: Steve Bruce is supposedly in the market for a centre-back, which is no surprise on the evidence of this performance. Sadly, for Steve, he might have to scrape around for someone to loan in.

Good news for Arsenal: Martinelli is coming.

79 mins: The goal came from Clark losing the ball in his defensive third, as Newcastle continue to look utter rubbish. Willian is on for Aubameyang. The Brazilian looks very happy to be on.

Cedric does very well down the right and just ... JUST ... keeps the ball in on the byline, before pulling it back to an unmarked Aubameyang to tap into an empty net.

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76 mins: Darlow keeps possession of the ball in his own area for a good 15 seconds, as he accepts it is the most useful thing Newcastle can do.

74 mins: Smith Rowe gets the chance to put the ball on a plate for Aubameyang but his pass is weak and cut out by Lascelles.

As Gary Naylor points out below: Newcastle are bad.

72 mins: Lacazette sets the ball back to Saka who shoots from the edge of the box but due to leaning back sends his effort well over the bar. Very much going through the motions sort of stuff now.

70 mins: Jacob Murphy comes on to replace Andy Carroll who has offered next to nothing.

68 mins: Colin Young seems to explain a plot of an underwhelming sitcom re my chocolate brownie mention earlier: “Hopefully it’s not the same special kind of brownie that my mum used to make... otherwise your report could et quite iteresting even without any on-field action.

“My Dad once threw one of these brownies in his lunchbox before hurrying off to an important meeting. He only discovered just how special it was halfway through giving a talk about lighting effects to a film crew.”

66 mins: Tierney drives a cross along the goal-line but no one can get a toe on it. The ball comes back into the box and Lacazette heads an effort towards goal but Darlow turns it wide.

Elneny is coming on for Arsenal to get some minutes under his belt, as this game is effectively over. Partey off.

64 mins: Carroll is still jogging around very slowly as part of the Newcastle press. I think his race might be run.

63 mins: Mark Hooper says: “re: footballers getting grief for hugging in their goal celebrations - doesn’t it all seem a bit scapegoat to you? The whole reason why footballers are still allowed to play a contact sport is because they are in their team bubbles and tested regularly. It’s almost as if certain MPs are trying to divert attention from the fact their entire strategy is reactive - initially prompted by football teams, who decided to postpone the season when the government were still telling us it was perfectly safe for us to go to matches…”

Very scapegoaty in my opinion.

62 mins: Tim Singleton offers: “It makes me wonder if we should go back through that first half and add ‘In bed’ to some of your minutes: ‘Joelinton touches the ball in the final third for the first time in the match and immediately loses possession in bed.’

“Or maybe you will do that for us to liven up the second half (in bed).”

It’s an option.

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Smith Rowe gets the ball on the left flank and drives into the box before pulling it back for Saka who slots his shot into the net at the first time of asking.

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58 mins: Cedric flings in a first time cross from the right but Clark reads it and heads well clear. A throw-in makes it back into the box with Saka, who smashes a shot straight at that man Clark.

56 mins: Luiz piles through Carroll and gives away a free0kick near the halfway line for no reason. The ball eventually makes its way up to Carroll who gets it out of his feet and drives the ball a yard or so wide from the edge of the area. Newcastle are finally showing some intent.

54 mins: Cedric gifts Newcastle a free-kick on the left flank after taking down Lewis. Shelvey gets it into the mixer and Wilson flicks the ball into Leno’s arms. Newcastle might claim that as an actual chance.

52 mins: Do Newcastle have a way back into this match? Probably not.

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Arsenal launch a counter attack as Partey pings a pass out to Aubameyang, who gets one-on-one with Krafth and then whacks a shot beyond Darlow at the near post.

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49 mins: Newcastle win a corner on the left, which Shelvey pings straight to the Arsenal man at the front post. That is utter rubbish.

47 mins: Something has happened! Lacazette swivels on a ball in the box and lashes a low drive across Darlow who gets down well and gets a strong hand to it, before Lascelles whacks clear.

Here we go again!

Had some homemade brownie at half-time and that’s the best thing to happen in the last hour.

Paul Dorning says: “Max, why do you think we’re reading this on guardian mbm? We are in bed.”

That gives this MBM a different vibe.

Neil Lennon is doubling down.

Carragher commentary at half-time: “Newcastle haven’t made chances, but they’ve tried to make chances.”

What a 45 minutes it’s been.

I wouldn’t mind going to bed.

The referee refuses to add on any time as it’s been bloody awful. No goals, no saves, nowt.

Lance Berc says: “We don’t use the word ‘turgid’ enough - this first half has been a great opportunity.”

As Lance points out, this has been crap.

44 mins: Shelvey swings in a corner from the left but he fails to beat the first man. Not what Newcastle need on a night like this.

Down the other end, Aubameyang clips in a cross from the left which flicks off Krafth and almost deceives Darlow who reacts quickly to claw the ball behind. An unmarked Luiz heads the resulting corner wide.

42 mins: Carroll volleys a cross but it misses everyone, eventually reaching Almiron on the opposite flank, allowing him to swing the ball back in, as Newcastle earn a corner.

40 mins: Joelinton touches the ball in the final third for the first time in the match and immediately loses possession. To be fair to the Brazilian, he is working very hard tonight on the left flank.

38 mins: Tierney pulls the ball back into his right foot to swing a cross into the box, only to see Darlow coming out to claim the ball at the second time of asking.

Both goalkeepers are yet to make a save of note.