José Mourinho has been told once again that he will be Manchester United’s new manager, according to the Sun. We thought we should probably get that out of the way quickly, even though the Rumour Mill is reaching the point where we would rather share a lift with Ken Livingstone than ever hear the Portuguese’s name again, and he doesn’t even have a bloody job at the moment. When he does rock up he’s keen on Valencia midfielder André Gomes, who by complete coincidence is also a Jorge Mendes client. Right. Let’s get on with some other stuff now.
If Everton needed another reason to politely find the nearest bin they can find and gently place Roberto Martínez into it (which could happen pretty soon), other than all that ‘not winning any games’ he’s been doing, it might come with the news that Ross Barkley isn’t keen on life under the tan-loafered Spaniard, and is considering hopping aboard the Do One train should Martínez stay at Goodison. Apparently the suits are concerned that Barkley has tired of Martínez’s methods so much that his manager’s mere presence could be enough to see him leave the club he’s been with since he was a boy. All is not well at the School of Science.
The Mill hasn’t actually read any of them yet, but there are probably some blogs out there wondering if Pep Guardiola, with his relative ‘failures’ in the Champions League with Bayern Munich, is actually terrible now, and that Manchester City have actually been sold a colossal pup for next season. Well, those scribblers could have some more evidence for their theory that Pep has lost his pep, with the news that he’s put Theo Walcott on his wanted list for next season. Aye, you are thinking of the same Theo Walcott: polite chap, nice manners, would probably help with the washing up if he came round for Sunday dinner, usually on the bench for Arsenal, has been a promising up-and-comer for 10 years. That Theo Walcott. The Gooners’ subs list could be set for another RAID if Newcastle stay up, as it says here the Toon are belatedly set to solve their left-back problems by making a move for Kieran Gibbs. Better late than never, eh? Unless they go down, obviously. In which case they probably should have sorted this ages ago.
China still have loads of cash, apparently, and they’re going to use some of it to buy Willian, according to the Daily Mirror. Specifically, it’s Guangzhou Evergrande that want Chelsea’s best player this season, with manager Luiz Felipe Scolari keen on bringing his man out east for a cool £50m. He might be replaced by, erm, well, someone who is already a Chelsea player, with Antonio Conte said to be up for keeping Juan Cuadrado around, despite Juventus wanting to make his loan in Turin permanent.
Speaking of Juventus, the latest instalment of the Leicester fairytale has seen emissaries from the Old Lady rock up at the King Power with the purpose of nabbing N’Golo Kanté in mind. He’s so little they could probably get him in their hand luggage, but the chances are they will actually go about this the old-fashioned way and try to buy him, should Paul Pogba depart for pastures better paid this summer. If Kanté goes, Leicester will move for Victor Wanyama to replace him.
Good news for Borussia Dortmund fans still crying into their bratwurst about the impending departure of Mats Hummels to them: Liverpool, Manchester City and Real Madrid are all sniffing around their 17-year-old striking uber-prospect Christian Pulisic. Oh, no, wait, hang on - that’s not good news, is it? It’s the opposite of good news. Sorry. Well … think of it as someone punching you in the face to take the attention away from your broken leg. Also, Arsenal and Chelsea are keen on Henrikh Mkhitaryan. Again, sorry.
A few quick ones: Swansea are weighing up the possibility of bringing Joe Allen back from Liverpool; Tottenham are keen on Atlético Madrid forward Borja Bastón, who’s scored plenty on loan at Eibar this season; Premier League heavyweights Leicester, Manchester United, Chelsea and Arsenal are looking at 16-year-old Lewes striker Charlie Coppola.
And finally, Harry Redknapp is reportedly set to be appointed manager of Nigeria. Triffic.