If Mikel Arteta was a lady an anagram of his name could be Maria Kettle. Chances are though, if he were a woman, his first name wouldn't be Mikel. Another anagram is ‘Rat-like team', and one of things many of us hope is that a new manager makes us a bit more mean and a bit less nice. I want Arteta's very first meeting with the players to go something like this: 'Look at me. Look at me. I am the captain now. I mean, I am the manager now, and if any single one of you kicks the ball out of play when an opposition player is lying injured on the ground I will grind your testicles into mincemeat and feed it to your dog. And if you don't have a dog, I will get you a dog who will wake up...
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