This morning I had a dream that Arsenal were playing PSG and Neymar pretended to get really hurt in a tackle. Not just any old hurt though – did you ever get that thing where you get a knee in the back and end up winded from it? He made out that happened to him and he was writhing around on the pitch making a weird ‘Ugh … Ugh … Ugh' sound so the referee sent off Unai Emery. Quite why he was playing for us instead of managing us is another question entirely, but either way we were down to 10 men then Neymar got up and was absolutely fine and everyone in the stadium went absolutely mental and started throwing cricket balls at him. I can't tell you why everyone had cricket...
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