Today is the day when all of Ireland celebrates the birth of our patron saint, Pat Rice. Pat Rice came to Ireland and found the place awash with snakes. He took agin the snakes, and so founded a custom known as Whacking Day, where he and Barry White would beat the absolute bollix off any snake they found. It didn't last long, we Irish are extremely proficient whackers, and soon all the snakes were gone. Those snakes that did not get whacked emigrated to Australia where, consumed with bitterness and a need for revenge, they became more powerful and poisonous than ever before and formed a dangerous alliance with Bog Spiders who hide under the rim of toilets and wait to take a chunk out of...
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