And with that, I’m off. Here’s Rob Smyth on Manchester United v Manchester United fans (and perhaps also Liverpool). Bye!
Arsenal eased to victory against a rubbish and half-interested Newcastle side, with Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang scoring on his return from malaria
Updated
Sun 2 May 2021 11.22 EDT
First published on Sun 2 May 2021 08.17 EDT
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Here’s Louise Taylor’s match report from St James’ Park.
For 90-odd minutes on Tyneside on Sunday something strange happened: it was possible to believe that Mikel Arteta’s Arsenal really are “the new Invincibles” after all.
No matter that the visitors kicked off in 11th position, a regressive Newcastle made Arteta’s hitherto struggling class of 2020-21 look worthy heirs of Arsène Wenger’s all conquering team from nearly two decades ago.
Scouts from Villarreal doing their homework before this week’s Europa League semi-final second leg may have wondered if they were really watching the team that were somewhat fortunate to only lose 2-1 in Spain last week.
Much more here:
But hey, if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.
Sky are too busy talking about Manchester United’s ownership and today’s fan protests to stick the boot into another limp Newcastle performance. Which is a shame, because Souness and Keane could really have let rip.
Final score: Newcastle 0-2 Arsenal
90+6 mins: It’s all over! Let’s be clear about this: Newcastle were abysmal. At no point did it look like they could be remotely arsed, and a much-changed Arsenal team with half an eye on another match strolled to victory.
90+5 mins: Arsenal are just playing keep-ball now. The game has been won, and both teams are just wasting time while they wait for it to end.
90+2 mins: VAR has a good look at the incident, but clearly can’t see a strong argument for overturning it. Four minutes of stoppage time are announced.
90+1 mins: Looks a bit harsh to me on review. It was a foul, for sure, bewilderingly foolish, and a yellow card at least, but there were no studs and little force.
RED CARD! Schar is off (STC)!
90 mins: Schar goes in late and from behind on Martinelli, in the middle of the Newcastle half, and the referee has the red card straight out!
86 mins: Into the closing stages. Newcastle have had a bit more of the ball these last few minutes, though the game is being played largely at strolling pace now.
84 mins: More substitutions, as Newcastle bring Gayle on for Clark, and Arsenal bring Partey on for Odegaard.
83 mins: Newcastle get the ball into the Arsenal box, though as soon as they do Arsenal head it away again. Rob Smyth is poised to blog Manchester United v Liverpool, though kick-off there has been delayed because of supporter protests, with no knew kick-off time announces as yet.
80 mins: Newcastle attack! Murphy goes down the right before pulling back to Joelinton, who tees up Shelvey, who shoots into a defender.
77 mins: Arsenal bring Pepe on for Aubameyang.
75 mins: There’s only one team in this game at the moment, and really they’re not that good. Newcastle have shown very little. I can’t remember Murphy crossing the ball.
72 mins: Newcastle take off Almiron and Fernandez, and bring on Joelinton and Schar.
68 mins: Willian does a nice cross from the left. The chance it created for Chambers was basically unscorable, but the cross had lovely curve and dip.
GOAL! Newcastle 0-2 Arsenal (Aubameyang, 66 mins)
A cracking cross from Martinelli, perfectly judged for Aubameyang to head home. He tries a shoulder-high flying volley instead - why make life easy for yourself, after all - and from five yards thumps the ball in!
65 mins: Ryan catches a Ritchie cross. It has not been his hardest day’s work.
63 mins: Odegaard takes the free-kick on the left, and picks out Gabriel, whose diving header from an excellent position flies high.
62 mins: Fernandes catches Xhaka, landing a boot on top of his opponent’s foot, and he gets booked.
58 mins: Arsenal win a corner, which Willian sends out of play for a throw-in on the other side of the pitch. He’s made some decent runs on the right, but I can’t remember him doing anything very useful with the ball when he’s had it.
56 mins: Xhaka fells Longstaff with a blatant bum-thrust, and is lucky to get away unbooked.
54 mins: Ritchie sends in an absolutely delicious cross from the left. Wilson can’t get anywhere near it, but Chambers feels he has to deal with it and concedes a corner, from which nothing results. The delivery though, yum.
53 mins: David Luiz is off, and Calum Chambers is on.
52 mins: That looks like game over for the Brazilian.
40 mins: Now David Luiz is on the ground, and feeling his left hamstring. The physios are on their way.
48 mins: David Luiz, having already this half overhit a long pass down the left wing, overhits a long pass down the right wing.
46 mins: Peeeeeeep! Arsenal kick off half two.
“Your comment about Arsenal wearing slippers and puffing on a pipe reminds of the MBM comment (can’t remember who was the scribe) about Fulham being completely comfortable seconds before Newcastle equalised,” recalls Richard Hirst. “In fact, thinking back over the season, I think the MBM writers are wholly to blame for Fulham’s impending relegation: who can I sue?”
Sadly MBM scribes have been known to be wrong, occasionally. Meanwhile, Arsenal are back on the pitch and Newcastle appear to be gathering on a staircase.